The Silent Tears
by Damned91
Summary: This story is about a young boy who is trying to live a normal life again, but the sins from his past won't leave him... Will Ed get help from his new family or will it be too late? [ Drugs ]
1. Chapter 1

**(A/N) Things that you should know: **

1) This story is OOC (out of character).

2) English is my _second_ language

3) Don't flame me because of the OOC! Flame me at everything else but not that!

4) I changed some facts

5) It's rated T for cursing and other things, but you'll see later... 

6) Oh and I almost forget I do NOT own Full Metal Alchemist, or any other character.

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**The Silent Tears**

**Chapter 1**

Roy ,Riza and Alphonse Mustang were a happy family. Roy had got a short black hair and a dark eyes, he was working in the military as a Colonel. Riza, his wife was the 1st Lieutenant. She had a long blonde hair.

Alphonse Mustang was a 16 years old boy, who was the best student in his school. He had got a short dirty blond hair and green eyes. He didn't have many friends because he wasn't popular.

Other students hated him, like every A student. But Alphonse didn't care about that because he got two really close friends, and he knew that he could trust them. And their opinion was more important than others.

But they were one year younger so he could meet with them only on breaks and sometimes after school. In his class he was always the one sitting alone.

Roy and Riza wanted to have another child but Riza did not want to leave her job so they decided to adopt one.

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It's been almost two months since Edward was living with Roy and Riza.

He was a 14 years old boy with long blond hair and golden eyes. He wore a black leather pants ,black T-shirt and black boots.

Riza and Roy didn't know much about Ed's past. They knew only that his father left him and his mother when he was only seven. And when he was nine his mother died from some illness. Ed didn't have any other family so they took him to the orphanage house.

And he stayed there for about 5 years.

Then Roy and Riza adopted him. They were living in a big house. Edward was really happy when he got his own room. He never had one. And he never thought he would.

He went to the same school as his older brother Alphonse. Edward didn't know that part of material in school what his class had learned by now, in orphanage the teachers didn't teach things that he should know by now so he had a lot to catch up. So it was not strange that he was not as good as his new brother, Alphonse in studying. Hell, he wasn't even bad at it ,he was ...horrible. That's not like he wasn't intelligent or something he just didn't care what marks he would get.

In first days he was trying hard, but teachers always were saying something like _''When Alphonse was at your age he got an A for that and you?'' _or _''Look at your brother...'' _Edward had enough of comparing him with his brother. He could have all 'C' in his marks but that was not enough because Alphonse was better. So Ed simply just did not care any more. He was getting an 'E' or 'F'.

Of course Roy and Riza didn't know about that. They were thinking that their new adopted son was a C student. But when his marks started to getting lower he just did not say about that. So when Riza or Roy asked him how was in school he would answer that it was 'ok' or 'good'. And they just nodded and went to their business.

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_Ed's POV _

Another boring day in school. I hated it. Why I was going there anyway? It was only a waste of time...

I went downstairs to met Alphonse. He was so naive...he believed in everything that I was telling him...sometimes even I could not believe in what I had just said...

We were always going to school together. First I thought he was ok ...I was surprised at that he didn't have many friends. I was thinking that he was really popular. But after some time he started to annoy me. He was always polite, towards everyone! No matter who it was, teacher ,parent or a completely stranger..he tried to be always polite. And the way he was talking with the teachers..it was really pissing me off. Now it didn't surprise me that the other pupils hated him. But I was glad that he didn't say anything to his parents about my marks. When they would find out that I had almost all F's then they were going to tell me that old speech. _''We are so disappointed at you, look at your brother he'll be someone in the future and you..?'' _How I hated it! Why they even care? Didn't matter how much I would study I just couldn't get anything better than C from the test, but no! Al always got an A so my mark was bad. So why even bother in studying then? Teachers were just the same. And I hated them. They were just some band of stupid jerks.

''Brother?'' -I heard Alphonse saying.

''what?''

''I was asking what subject do you have first''

''I think Chemistry''- I answered him shortly. He wanted to say something but I was faster ''Go without me ok? I will come later'' -when I said that I ran away from him and from his stupid questions like ''where?..why?..you won't be late for school..? He started to getting on my nerves...some day I won't be so nice...

I went to the park where sometimes in the morning, before school starts I was meeting there with my classmates. But today I didn't think that someone would come anyway. I sat under the tree and I took out from my pocket, packet of cigarettes. Another thing that my new parents wouldn't never allow me, was smoking. I didn't know what I was thinking before. I promised myself that I would't touch that stuff again when some family will adopt me but I couldn't take it. When the teachers or my new parents yelled at me I only wanted to smoke or take something to relax, so I did. That things were good when you were stressed or pissed. It always helped.

School already started so I think I'll get going... but I was late anyway so what was the difference if I would be late even more? One more cigarette and I was planning to go to school. First was chemistry..I was sure I would get detention ..again. Only twice I wasn't late at this lesson. At the beginning of the year, when I actually cared about what teachers were saying about me...that was just stupid when I thought about it now...stupid and pathetic..

So I finally got up from under tree where I and my so called 'friends' were usually meeting.

I went straight to the school to my chemistry class. I hated that old hag. What was her name?...Itsuko Shimizu...She was an old hag nothing more. I hated her..she was always giving me detentions.

I went inside of my class and I went straight to my desk. I did not even bother to apology for that I was late, but my teacher interrupted me by ordering to come to her. So I stood next to her desk and waited.

'' That's nice you finally appeared Mustang'' -she said angrily .'' Once again. Do it once again and I'll give you detention understood?''

'' Yes'' -I just answered her shortly. I was not in the mood to argue with her right now.

So I went to my desk and I sat there. I was sitting in the last desk by the window.

She started to tell something about some chemistry stuff to those who actually paid attention.

I was looking out of window. Those with who I was spending the most of my free time didn't come. I guess they didn't want to go on the chemistry, maybe they would be here later?

But there was someone, outside. I looked at him and...bingo. Nick! He was with others. Nick was one from my classmates. He was really fun to be around with. And he was 16 and he was still in my class. And I bet he won't pass this year too. But I was in the same situation now wasn't I? I didn't care. Let it be, at least I'd get someone to talk to.

It was not like that the other people didn't like me. I would even say they liked me more than I thought. Too bad for me that Alphonse was my so called 'brother'. I and Nick loved to kick asses of some grinds. Who would guess that I actually was helping Al...Nick and the rest always were doing something to him. Once they even beat the shit out of him. Of course Al didn't tell who it was...he was too scared. And I knew he still was. I will never forget his face when he saw me and Nick's gang together. He was trying to tell me that they weren't the ee..how he said that..oh, I remembered now..He said that they weren't the appropriate company to someone like me, and that I because of them would go on the 'bad side' or something similar...

But now I couldn't beat any kids in front of Alphonse..damn him. But he was too busy in learning to notice me. Of course he heard what I was doing and once he asked me about it, but I told you that he was naive right? I told him some bullshit like always and he believed me...Gosh..he was actually more stupid than I thought...

But to intimidated some kids from school was really a good business ,some just paid us for leaving them alone... heh that was really good to do when you needed money. But when I thought about it...that money what I eee...'earned' and that what Roy or Riza were giving me weren't enough...I didn't have anything right now. Guess I must beat some kid...but I'll see later what can I do about my 'problem' ...

I hoped that Nick had got something to relax. Damn I spent everything on it, what I had left was only one pocket of cigarettes..damn...

I knew they were waiting for me. I shouldn't go on this lesson. But when it would end I will go and meet them then.

I was sure that they didn't want to spent this day in school.

But once again this hag interrupted my thoughts...

'' Mustang! I see you are paying attention on my lesson so maybe you will tell me what I was talking about?''

I just stared at her. Like hell I would listen at her lessons.

'' Some boring stuff about chemistry I think''

'' You are talkative today I see. So get up and answer my questions. I'll give you an appropriate mark for it''

'' Don't bother asking. I don't give a shit about what will I get''

She stared at me for a long time. And finally she went to her desk and wrote something in her notebook. I guess it was my grade. It couldn't be anything than 'F' but who cares?

'' And Mustang I had enough of your language and your behaving on my lessons...'' -she started but I cut her off

'' Fuck off you old hag'' I said it out loud, I didn't even notice it.

But when I heard some kids were laughing and that the all eyes were on me I understood what I did. She was looking at me for a while...

'' Get out of this class, and go to the headmaster now!''

So I stood up from my seat and I went out of the classroom, slamming doors behind me. Headmaster...how I hated that idiot...he would give me another detention. More hours in this school...that was all I needed! ...

But.. wait I was free now...so fuck it. I was going to go out of here. And fuck the headmaster too! I would bear with him later.

So I went outside of the school to my friends who were waiting for me. I didn't care about consequences anymore because only one thing that I was thinking about was to find something to relax...

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**A/N) Ok so I will be really glad if you'd give me a review and tell me if I should continue this story or not because I don't know... **

And I really want to know what you think about it. So please tell me! Even if it will be a flame I really want to know!

**And I know it sucked...**

So review and tell me your opinion ok?. 


	2. Chapter 2

**(A/N) thanks for those who reviewed !**

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**The Silent Tears**

**Chapter 2**

''Alphonse please sit in the last desk'' -teacher ordered.

Al did as he was told to. He stayed after his lessons in order to help his Geography teacher. Mr.Smith asked him to count all hours **1)**of his classso Al stayed after his lessons. But he was happy. His brother had one hour longer than he so that meant they could come back home together. Al was always walking home alone.

The teacher had one more lesson with 1d class. That was Edward's class.

Al was glad about that. And he would finally see if his brother was really so mean towards teachers as they were telling him.

Alphonse was doing what he had to when the bell rang. Ed's class went inside and took their seats. Al was looking for his brother but he wasn't coming. The teacher said he must go for a geography map which he had left in other class and he went out of the classroom. After a while Al noticed his brother in the doorway. He was with some girl. She had a long dark black hair and dark brown eyes. Her make-up was very unpropely. She was wearing a black boots to her knees ,black miniskirt..really short one and a black tank top. **2)**

''Where have you been?'' some boy with brown hair asked. He was sitting near Al so when Ed looked at him ,his gaze went at his brother. The girl made her way to the other girls and they started laughing. Next Ed wanted to go and ask what his brother was doing here when the brown-haired boy said ''catch'' and threw something towards Edward. Al's eyes went wide open when he saw some pocket, but he didn't know what was inside of it.

''Nick we will talk later'' -Ed said and went to his seat next to Alphonse.

''What are you doing here'' -he finally asked.

''I'm doing some stuff that our teacher asked me to'' -Al answered him shortly ''And Edward tell me what was...'' -but he didn't finish what he wanted to say because some boy with short blond hair said loudly

''You stayed after your lessons''

''What a moron'' - Nick who just noticed that Alphones was sitting in his classroom commented.

''Hey leave the poor swot alone'' -the girl who came with Edward said with sarcasm in her voice. Then they started to laugh. Al was used to it. There wasn't one day where someone didn't joke about him. He hated it, but he just closed his eyes and waited for them to stop. And there was something else what he hated. He hated when Edward saw how the others were treating him. He knew his brother was really popular and almost everyone liked him. Al never showed it but he was jealous. He was an excellent student, every teacher liked him..but he wasn't popular and he never would be. But he had his own ambitions! His own future. He wanted to be the best and live well without help of his parents. He knew they would always help him if he needed it but he wanted to be independent. He wanted to show them he can do everything on his own.

''Leave him'' - he heard his brother saying.

Then to his surprise everyone went silent.''I guess he must be very liked...'' he thought to himself. Al started to counting once again when the teacher entered the classroom with the map.

Then Edward stood up and went sit next to that girl. Al was sad..but just a little. He thought that Ed would sit next to him. It was not a big deal though. He was always sitting alone, so what was the difference now?

He was really glad that Edward was his brother. Almost everyone left him. They weren't bugging him any more. Al was thankful for that. But there were days when Ed wasn't with them. Al hated that days. He was thinking about what had happened to Edward. He remembered when he got all C's .But then something must had happened. Perhaps it was Nick who changed him...

He didn't know anything about Edward. Ed didn't let him know. Al often offered his help. But Ed always said he didn't need it. Teachers told him about Ed's behaving at lessons. And they told him also that probably he won't pass the next year. Then Al tried to talk with his brother, but at everything what he said Ed just shrugged and went away. Al felt guilty because he didn't tell anything to his parents. But he knew he couldn't... Ed would hated him just like the rest had. Al felt better knowing that at least one person would help him with his problems. At least he though that this person would help.

When Ed entered the school nobody even looked at Alphonse..everyone expect Nick and his little gang of course. They were the worst. Once they beat him because he refused to pay them. But now when Ed was around Nick and the rest, they didn't even blink at him..but it was worse when Edward wasn't there...they always were making fun of him or something.

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_Al's POV_

The teacher started to talking about his lesson. I started to count this hours again, but something was bothering me. Maybe that pocket what my brother got from Nick. I was worried. What if It'd be a pocket of cigarettes..or...something else..no..Ed was smarter than that, now was he? After the lesson ends I'd go and speak with him about that. Or else I would have to tell our parents about it...I didn't want anything bad happen to Ed. He was my brother after all, even if he didn't have any ambitions and he wasn't a good student ,I had to help him, for his own good.

But I didn't get it...Why he was like that. I could help him with his marks but he were always saying that he didn't need my help. He was a 'good' student. But now teachers were saying that he his marks were 'not satisfactory' He didn't think about his own future? What will happen with him after he would finish this school? Where was he planning to go...or was he planing anything... I didn't know what to think...wait! The parents meeting was today that meant they'd find out about Ed's marks and behaviour after all. I was sure they would blame me for not telling them...but Ed would start to hate me if I told.

Then I heard someone slammed his fist at desk.

''Are you planing on stopping Brooks! If no then stop doing it!'' -Mr. Smith yelled.

''That what I am doing it's none of your business!'' -she snapped standing up.

''You think I should tolerate what you were doing. You think that changing your length of your skirt on the lesson is appropriate for a student?''

I couldn't belive what I was hearing. That girl was doing what? But Edward was sitting next to her and she...but how could she! That was not the way the student should act. I didn't know what to think any more...

''I'm sure Brooks you don't have as much to offer as you think.''

That girl blinked and then she glared at Mr. Smith whilst Mr.Smith was glaring at her back.

''I have nothing to offer huh?''

''You are only fourteen and this is not a burdel...''-but he didn't finish his sentence because she interrupted

''And now you are saying that I am a Whore!''

''Don't use that kind of language and I didn't mea...''but once again he didn't finish. This time that girl called 'Brooks' already grabbed her bag and went out of the classroom slamming doors behind her.

Then teacher turned his gaze from the doors towards my brother.

''Tell your girlfriend that I want to see her after this lesson ends. And if she want to behave like so called ''whore'' then school is NOT the place to do so''

But Edward didn't answer him right away. I looked at him and he looked rather angry. Then I looked at the rest of class. Some of them looked like they were having fun and some held their breaths. Like something bad was gonna to happen. The teacher turned around and went towards the blackboard. I wanted to finally start counting this hours when my brother rose from his seat.

''And you think I'll let some fucking jeark call my girlfriend a whore!''

I couldn't belive what I was hearing! How could he tell something like that to the teacher. How could he even think that way! I would never suppose that he would tell such a thing. That was horrible. But Edward always said that he had a respect towards every teacher...was it a lie? After today I thought that it actually was. And other things? Was he lying to me too? About everything? But why...and that packet what Nick gave him...

But you think that my brother stopped at this...if yes then..you were wrong...

''I won't tolerate that kind of language young man! ''

''Wait Smith ..only wait after I'm done with you even your own mother won't be able to recognize you!''

And now he crossed the line. He didn't only insult a teacher, but he was treating him...? So everything what I heard was true? Ed who was receiving his money from kids by beating them..? I asked him once about it and he told me that this was a lie. He told me it while he was looking in my eyes. How could he lie like that. I thought he was speaking the truth...but how could I believe him? After everything I heard...after what everyone were saying...I still believed him...But maybe I didn't want to believe...I thought he was thinking of me as a friend not only brother, ...but I guess I was wrong...

I glanced at our teacher eyes. I could see the anger in them. But not only that feeling. There was something else. Something different from anger it was...fear...

''M-Mustang! I won't allow you to scare me! You think that I am scared of some band of oaf's?''

''We will see Smith! We'll see it today...''

When Edward said that he took his bag and went out. Of course he slammed the doors loudly...

Teacher shook his head and looked at me. I was so shocked that I didn't know how to act. When I looked at other pupils ,they didn't seem very shocked or something. Like that kind of situations were normal...

But I knew one thing for sure. I wouldn't believe Edward any more! I thought I can ,but now I knew I was wrong. Never in my life I didn't do something wrong. But that changed when I started to trust my new brother. I didn't care any more. But that didn't mean that I would go home and tell my parents everything. They would find out today anyway...

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Finally I have finished! Now I could go home and do whatever I want. But first I had to speak with Edward. That was the most important now.

I entered my house. My parents were sitting in the living room, talking about some Military stuff. I quickly said that I was back and I went to Ed's room. I knocked at his doors and waited for him to answer. Finally I heard the worlds 'come in' so I went inside. I didn't know why but I didn't like Ed's room. Always when I was in there I felt strange. Ed's room was coal-black, as he liked it. I couldn't stand that darkness.

His black curtains seemed to be deep blue. I went towards window and tugged curtains away from it. I didn't know why he never did it. At least now the room seemed more clear than before, but it still was dark.

My roomwas bright and pure, complete opposites from Ed's.

I looked at my brother. He was sitting on his bed. His eyes were closed. I sat next to him. He didn't say anything ,he even didn't rise his head towards me.

''I wanted to ask you something'' I said after a while.

He didn't respond. But I was used to it. He was often like that.

''What was in that packet''

''What packet?''

I hoped he enjoyed it because I wasn't. I wanted answers and he just was playing with me.

''That one which you got from Nick''

''Oh, that one...''

And that was it! He didn't say anything more. I didn't like talking with people who didn't even look at me. Yes, his eyes were still closed.

''So?'' I asked one more time. I wanted to know and he was trying to ignore me. But I knew one thing. I wouldn't trust him any more. Because he lied to me. He was lying all the time . Even when he was looking in my eyes he was still lying.

'' cards'' he said with calm voice. Then he smiled to himself. Like he was thinking about something good. I didn't understand him. Why he was so happy and...calm? And then he laughed silently... He was really strange sometimes...

''what?''

''that packet''

He was talking very strangely. His voice was so calm. He seemed like he didn't have any worries or problems. And he was still smiling.

Cards! Maybe I would believe him but not now. I knew he was lying..again. But how to ask him and don't make him angry at me? I didn't want to argue with him.

''What was really in that packet Edward''

He sighed. And then he got up and went outside leaving me alone in his room. What was he thinking ? I wanted answers. I wanted only to help him ,nothing more. And I was sure that his so called 'cards' weren't real.

I went after him. I saw him in the hall. He was putting his black shoes on. That meant he was going out somewhere. But I would not let him out! First he would tell me the truth and then he could go whenever he wanted.

''You didn't answer my question'' I statement.

He just shrugged and turned his back to me. He walked towards doors but I was faster ,I grabbed him by his arm. But he pushed me and I fall on the floor. He then went out of our house.

I wanted to go to my room, but when I reached stairs I heard my parents.

''Al we are going to school. This shouldn't take too long so I think we will be back after an hour'' my mother kindly said.

I only waved them good bye and went to my room. I was sure that it wouldn't take them only an hour...

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**(A/N) Here are some things that I though I'd explain to you:**

**1)** In place where I live teachers often ask students (those who they trust) to do something like: count all hours which every student was absence, or write others students marks and those hours that I mentioned before on special cards which are given later to parents on the 'parents meeting' (It's meeting where every parent of a student with all the teachers)-In my school It's only twice a year, but in some schools it's even 5 times in one year.

**2) **in schools we don't have to wear uniforms, but there are some rules. Like girls aren't allowed to wore make-up or miniskirts,tank tops. When they are wearing something from that they are given an E from behaviour.

**I hope you liked this chapter! Sorry for all the mistakes! Review and tell me what you think, and tell me if you want to read another chapter ok? **


	3. Chapter 3

**(A/N) thanks for those who reviewed and put me in their fav! **

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**The Silent Tears**

**Chapter 3**

_-Ed's POV-_

I went inside of my house. I wanted to go straight to my room and see what Nick gave me today. I got from him something. It was so called a 'present'. But why he gave me this? What was the date today? I was wondering about it when I went inside to my room. Immediately when my doors closed behind me someone opened them. It was my step father .

'' Good evening young man...'' I knew somewhere that he was pissed. I could feel it. I sat down on my bed and waited for him to yell.

'' ...I hope you know what hour is. But that's besides the point...'' I closed my eyes and waited. He came closer to me. I heard him move.

'' ...Tell me WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING!...'' He didn't curse when I or his perfect son were near. So it meant only one thing. He was more pissed then I actually thought.

'' ...I felt like a completely idiot because of you! It's almost the end of the 1st semester **1) **and you done nothing! You are even insulting every teacher!...'' I hoped that he would just finish it and go away. I didn't know why but I always hated when someone was yelling at me like that. but I tried to not care or just act like I was not caring about other people words.

''...What are you going to do with your life! Look at Alphonse! He isn't acting like you and teachers like him. Why can't you be like him?...'' I had enough now! Always the same. Alphonse this, Alphonse that... Why couldn't he let me be myself. I had my own personality! My own life!

''...You have everything. Everything that every kid would dream of. You know that you have only to ask me or Riza and we'd buy you whatever you want...'' How could I forget about that? He was reminding me of it almost every day. And sometimes I wish that I hadn't have all that things.

I had to tell him that I wanted to have for example a new bike and he of Riza bought me one immediately. But I rarely asked them to buy me something. That was them who were bringing me those things.

''...but from now on you won't see anything from us! You won't watch television, go out with your friends. After school I want to see you in your room. In other worlds no more fun...'' Like I cared what he was talking about. I didn't care about television and I could always meet with others at school and simply go somewhere.

''... until you will change. Your behaviour and your marks.'' I thought he finally finished. I opened my eyes only to see dark ones. I watched as he sat besides me and put his hand on my shoulder. '' Tell me why do you have to disappoint me so much Edward? What are you going to do with your life? What are you going to achieve? '' He said it and left closing doors quietly. _''Disappointment '' _How I hated that word.

I took that packet which Nick gave me lately and open it up. My eyes widened when I saw what was inside of it. But why he gave me this? He was telling me that it was not wise to take that stuff, but now he just... I didn't get him sometimes. But there was something else inside. It was some paper. _'' I hope you are satisfied. I know you would do it someday, but remember that you put yourself in that shit -Nick'' _

What he was talking about he was that person who told me to not take it!

Damn with it! I didn't care. I was pissed now and I wanted to take something to relax, because my step father just had to help me every day to change my good mood.

But what was his worlds again? _''What are you going to do with your life?'' _ I didn't know. My life was already like shit. I looked down once again at that little packet in my right hand. Why I was here anyway? What I was going to do with my life? And why I didn't want to remember my past...

_**PAST**_

I was living with my father and mother in so many places. But I'd never forget one thing. Wherever we were moving to I never got my own room.

I was born in Resembool. It was really small and calm city. There were so many trees, so many green places. There was only one word that described that pace: beautiful.

Other kids from there were always kind towards you. When someone got a new toy he was always sharing with others.

I never got bored. There was always something to do. In summer we were playing at river. In winter when our river was covered by ice we were iceskating, In spring and autumn was time for kites.

When someone wanted to play in something we were realising that idea. There weren't any groups. Kids who were 15 were spending their free time with those who were even 5 years old. We were all the same.

No one was higher or lower.

I liked them all. I always could share with my childish problems and they tried to help me the best as they could.

I used to call that place my 'paradise'...

Someday my dad got a better job so I had to move from my paradise to a big town. My mom was talking about how fun it'd be. My own room with big closet and all. But I never saw that closet. I never get my own room. I was 6 then.

First we moved into some old house. But we didn't stay there for a long time. But next I remembered moving into other place in the same town, but my new home was in the other side of that town.

I and my parents were living in the high building, in block. My new settlement looked like huge labyrinth with all that old blocks and no green places, there were almost no grass, only that ugly asphalt that covered all nature.

Kids from there were different as well. Those who were older were looking at me like I was some kind of trash, someone not worth their time. So I tried to make new friends in my own age, but they weren't like my old ones. When someone got a new toy , others only wanted to break it. Everyone were looking how to be better than you were.

In group that I were in kids never asked how you were doing. They didn't care...

At the beginning I felt really worthless. And no one tried to change that. I was fed up with everything. I wanted to have at least one person who would be my friend. Why couldn't I find one? Why they all were so against each other? I didn't understand anything of it and there were so many questions unanswered.

People from my group were laughing and talking bad things at those who weren't there. I always was wondering if they talked about me too. But I couldn't ask them. I was too scared to hear the answer. I wanted to be accepted and treated fair. But did they know what the words 'honest' and 'fair' meant?

I wanted to be accepted and to feel esteemed. And I thought that at some point I wanted to look at them like the older were looking at me...

First I was just some stupid kid. I didn't have toys which others had. I was wearing different clothes and I didn't speak like others were. So it was hard for me to find some group that would want to play with me.

In Resembool we all were the same. There weren't anyone who was more important than you. But in my new group there was a boy. He was older and stronger than the rest, so he was like a 'boss' to us. We had to do everything that we were ordered to do. We couldn't have our own idea. We were always playing in what he wanted to.

But I didn't know why we were playing more against each other than together. The main reason in our playing was to do something bad to the another one. Whole fun relied on making the second one weaker than you, to derive advantage from him and to show your power and to demonstrate it.

The weakest ones were always beaten. I remembered when I moved in there and I wanted to meet some friends. They really beat me then. Of course my father yelled at me because I should show them where was their place and not act like some kind of wuss. But they were older than I was. Older and stronger, so how could I do it?

Once when I came back from field I saw my dad leaving. I asked him where he was going and he said that he would be back soon. But I hadn't seen him since that day. Of course at the age of 7 I didn't know what exactly to think. I told myself that he was a bastard and I hated him. And until today I didn't change my feelings.

I told myself that I had to be strong for my mom.. She was always so kind and nice towards me and even strangers. I thought that she was the one who was the strongest, but I changed my mind when I saw her tears. So then was the time when I had to be the strong one. For her.

She was really similar to Alphonse. Maybe that was the reason why I started to hate that boy? Maybe he remind me too much of her. Of the weaker one...

At the age of 7 school started for me also. Slowly I learned one thing there: You were the one with power or they would stamp out you.

In school I started of the weakest teacher. I always tried to say something unpleasant to him. Something that would be funny and others would laugh. So I started to cutting his lessons off . The rest of my class were laughing because of my jokes of the teacher. After some time I started doing it with the rigorous teachers. After some time I felt really accepted. I got the real respect of all my class.

When you knew how to talk back like no one else then you could be the boss. When I achieved that much with my big mouth I started to use my muscles. I wasn't the strongest one. But I could get really pissed and then I could beat guy who was stronger than me. I was happy when I met someone after school who done something not right like I wanted. I could show him his right place then. But after a while I didn't even need to rise my hand. Everyone were feeling the respect before me.

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There was one day that I'd never forget. It was really sunny and I was walking from my school straight to my home. But what I found in there wasn't the thing that I excepted. I and mom planned a trip. To Resembool. Mom had there some friend and she said that we could spend the night in her house. I couldn't believe that I was going back there. That I was going to see the nature again... But my mom was laying on the floor. Unconscious.

The doctor said that there wasn't much he could do for her. I wasn't stupid like I used to be. I knew that her time was slowly ending. The person who I loved , the person who I wanted to be strong for died.. I was left alone. My so called 'father' didn't even bother to came back on her funeral. I started to hate him even more.

I didn't have any family left, any relatives. I was all alone. So they took me to the orphanage house. I was nine then.

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The orphanage house. I had to stay there. It was a huge house with big garden. Some people who worked there were looking at me like another burden and some looked at me with pity in their eyes. I hated them all. I got my own bed and my closet. It was an old one but it was really big. I was living in a room with two other boys. One of them was eleven and the second one was eight.

The orphanage was divided into two parts. In one were living children to 11 years and in the second one were living those who were 12 and older.

The older boy really impressed me. He was the oldest from those who lived in the first part and he got everyone's respect. We quickly became friends. I was proud of it. I had older and stronger friend, but somewhere deep inside I wanted to be like him.

School wasn't near the orphanage, I had to walk there for about 30 minutes. But I didn't mind. When my new class started to treat me different because I was from the orphanage I started to use my old method. To talk back. So I interrupted teachers on their lessons with insolent worlds. Sometimes because I had a reason, sometimes because I wanted to say something, I started to fight again, against teachers and school. I wanted to be accepted. After some time I gained their respect, they finally accepted me.

I and my new friend were always walking and coming back together. Our classes started at the same time, but it didn't always ended at the same hour. But then the one who had longer lessons just didn't stay at the last one.

At the beginning I was afraid, and I wanted to learn. But everything that they taught us was learned by me when I was 7. So on the lessons wasn't much to do anyway. But if you wanted to learn more you had to have books. And for having them you needed money. And I didn't get much of those. When I got some I had to buy something to wear for myself because my clothes were really old and worn out. There always was another option. The library, there was only one in that town. But I wasn't welcome there so I couldn't visit it. I wasn't welcome because once I tried to steal a book from there. I really wanted to have that book. I even didn't know when I put it in my bag. That was my first time and I got caught. Of course I ran away and they didn't see me ever again.

But my friend taught me how to survive. He taught me how to steal. I was stealing from the supermarket. And why I started doing it? When my older friend and I were coming back from school we were smoking the old cigarettes which people threw away. We chose them from the ashtrays and trash cans. Or we just picked them up from the ground. I didn't know why smoking was a bad thing. Every adult said so, but why they were smoking it then?

My friend showed me how to do it. But after some time I needed more that what I had. So I started to steal from shops. Mainly I was stealing the packets of cigarettes. But I stole sweets as well. In orphanage they didn't give us sweets. All kids could have them but in orphanage they told us that sweets would spoil our teeth. So I tried to get things that they didn't give us by stealing.

There were a lot of rules. When you broke one you got punished. The punishment was usually to wash all dishes or clean something. I often got one of those. But people from there didn't care how I would do what they ordered me to. They only cared about results. So I always made some kid to do my work. And when someone came to check if I was done, I was already standing in the clean kitchen or room. I had those punishments because of my lateness. I and all kids had a free seven hours every week. You could go whenever you wanted. But you had to came back on time. Most of them went on one hour in one day.

But I knew how to sneak out and in to that old house. My friend taught me. It was really easy. All I had to do was go unseen to the cellar and went out using the window that was there. Our guardians checked on us four or five times a day. In the morning when we were going to school and when we came back. They checked those who were going out on the free hours and when they got back. Our guardian had to make sure nobody ran ways so at 9pm they were checking our rooms if we were asleep. I and my friend always came back at night. When we were about to sneak out we always gave the pillows under the covers. And that kid who was living in the same room was sleeping near the doors so when they opened them they saw him and pillows covered by blanket which they thought were us. They were too lazy to check like they should have. But I wasn't complaining. I knew that they didn't give a shit about kids from there. They needed a work to have money.

They were similar to our teachers in school. They checked our presently at the first two lessons. So if you were at them then you had been present on all other subjects. And teachers were more happy then I wasn't there. I could tell that, so they didn't try to change it. They knew that I didn't have any future and I would be no one.

When I was 10 my friend was 12 so he had to move into the other part of house. So I was left alone...again. But other kids from there didn't even speak to me. They were too scared. After having the most respect person as a friend you weren't on the same level any more. You were someone better, someone who was higher than the rest of them.

I stopped to listen at lessons. That didn't have sense any more. After all that hours I was absent I didn't know anything. So I began to play truant even more often.

I was often sitting alone under the tree in the park smoking. When I closed my eyes I imagined myself in a house with beautiful garden. Me my new mother and father were standing in it. We were smiling. Next to me stood a big dog. He was my best friend and we were always playing together near the river which was next to our house. On every evening he would lay on my lap when I would read books. I had them as many as I wanted to. But when I had to open my eyes and reality hit me I felt like shit. I knew that was only a dream. A dream that never would come true. But when I thought about it then...A dream that comes true wouldn't be called a dream right?...

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I turned twelve. They put me in the other site of the orphanage. My friend that I knew once got adopted so I didn't know anyone there. I was living in a bigger room with three other boys. The two of them were in my age, and the third one was two years older.

I didn't know how the hell I passed every year. I didn't know how I made it! But I always tried to do my best on every test.

In my class were a boy, his name was Mike. He wasn't a good student. Every girl wanted to date him, and every guy wanted to be him, except me. I wanted him to accept me, like others did. I wished that everyone were looking at me like they looked at him.

Sometimes when I talked back to the teacher I saw him smile. That was the first sight that he was accepting me. Teachers started to hate me even more. But I didn't care. People who I would see every day count, not someone who I saw one hour a day. In my school boys and girls who were cool were smoking and drinking bear. So I was stealing it and drinking with them.

We were talking after school sometimes. He had a shitty life as well. His was living with his father who was drinking.

But when he let me sit next to him I felt totally accepted. We were going together to school and we were skipping school.

One day he invited me to same club in order to meet his friends. I agreed. This was my chance how could I resist? I tried my old way in orphanage. I ran away. And they of course didn't notice me.

It was almost 8 pm when we entered the club. It was called 'Climate'. If you wanted to go inside you had to be at least 13 but he was known there, so they let us in.

The music was really loud, some people were dancing, some sitting by the tables. We sat by the table where was already sitting some group of kids. They were all Mike's friends. They all were older that I and Mike. Some of them were even 15 then. One of the boys took out of his pocket some pipe. It looked rather strangely, it looked like a wood tube which had twenty centimetres maybe? But I didn't say anything. First he put there some tobacco. Then he mixed it with hashish (I understood what it was later) and he put it in that tube which reminded me of some pipe. Then he smoked from it and gave it to another person who was sitting next to him. I looked at Mike and he whispered to me that they smoke hashish and I could join them. I didn't know exactly what hashish was, but I remember that it was a drug and it was forbidden. When my turn came I remembered how the others were doing it. So I tilted my head and held the tube possible vertically upwards. Everyone were focus on something, glancing at some area and listening to music.

I waited when something would happen to me, but I didn't feel anything. Maybe I felt a little staggered and that was all. I didn't know then yet that the most of those who smoke for the first time aren't aware of what they are exactly feeling. You had to have some experience in order to feel that feeling.

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They accepted me. I didn't have to show them anything, I didn't have to fight for their respect. They just accepted me. I and Mike were going to the 'Climate' every day. Sometimes when Mike couldn't go I went there by myself. I didn't feel like the rest of them, I think I was too young for it. But they were like my models. I wanted to be like them, I wanted to learn from them because I thought they knew everything, they knew what to do to live a good life. And they didn't care about anything else that was happening near them. I didn't care about school any more. My marks were getting even more lower. There was only one thing that I cared about: my new group of friends.

I was smoking at every evening. Those from us who had money gave some to the others. The workers from the club who had to keep an eye on everything that was going in that club were bugging us when we smoked. The most of them admitted that they were smoking as well. They were telling us then that we had to be careful. To not think of it like some way of running away from all problem etc etc. And some crap like that.

I didn't only smoke, when the hashish wasn't there I drank some cheap wine and bear. I had to take something immediately after school and sometimes before I went to bed. I always was dazed. But it was that what I wanted. To forget about that hell so called life. My appearance changed as well. I was even more thinner, because I didn't eat much. Also my cheeks became hollow...

Once when I went alone to the club I find there only Patrick, he was on of my new group. He was fifteen and got short brown hair and brown eyes. He was really skinny. I asked him where the rest was. He only shrugged. He asked me if I took acid before. I knew something about that stuff. I always was listening to their conversations. It was mainly about drugs. So I knew only that they called LSD 'acid' and it was some hallucinogenic substance or something like that, and it was usually taken by mouth. I told him that I didn't and he only smiled. He said that if I wanted some he would give me. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to take it. But he would think of me like some child. I didn't want to be the weak one. I didn't want them to kick me out of their group. I was scared of that. I quickly nodded.

We were sitting on some chairs in the corner of the club. He took out some white pill and gave it to me. I closed my eyes and swallowed it. It had a slightly bitter taste. I didn't listen to that voice in my head that told me what I was doing was wrong. I was waiting for something to happen, but I couldn't feel anything. When at 10 pm they were closing the club we went to the bus stop. We met some guys. They were Patrick's friends.

They looked really calm. Patrick said that they were on heroin. I didn't care much, I slowly started to feel the pill.

When we went inside that bus I thought I was going mad. People who were there looked different, I could see they faces more clearly than before. But after a while I felt fear. I was scared of their ugly faces so I closed my eyes and waited for us stop.

Finally we went out of that damn bus. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. All lights were so shiny. In that bus I felt cold but now it was so hot like I was on some beach in summer. Patrick walked me to my house. He said good night and disappeared from my sight. I was left alone. But I didn't go inside I sat under tree in the garden. The white wall of the house seemed orange. The shadows were moving like they wanted to make some place for light. Then the wall looked like it was standing in flames. Everything looked so beautiful...

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It was a long time ago when I saw Mike. He wasn't at school and he didn't come to the club anymore. I was wondering what had happened.

But there he was...standing next to me. I looked at him happily because I didn't see him for a long time...but what I saw made me sick. He looked like a walking skeleton. He asked me if I had some money I gave him everything what I had. Then he walked out of the club without another word.

People from the club were my family. Everyone was kind and friendly. We didn't argue. We were talking mostly about hashish and music. And sometimes about people who were 'cool'. Every person who done a robbery or stole a car was cool for us.

I have been taking acid at least twice a day. I started every day from smoking hashish, drinking some bear or wine and then taking LSD. It was so different than before. Everything changed.

Nature had disintegrated on paints, forms and sounds, it was reflecting in my moods.

I started to think that my life were awesome and perfect. I was so proud of myself. Whatever I done, whatever I said I always was happy.

And months passed by...I didn't even notice it until something changed in club. In our group was a different mood, shit or hashish and acid weren't so insanity anymore. It was a normal thing to take an acid or smoke hashish. It wasn't fun anymore. Then someone from the club said he had got something new. Ephedrine. I took two pills of it, I didn't even know what it was and I drank one bottle of bear. And that evening everything became as it used to be. So brilliant! The good mood came back...

In school I got more and more trouble. I didn't even do my homework anymore and I didn't have much sleep so I was always sleepy. But they allowed me to go to the next class. I didn't know why. I didn't got any good mark all bad. I started to feel sick when I was somewhere around school. My relations with my class changed as well. I didn't talk with anybody. I didn't care about that respect shit! I wanted to have it in my group not in some class full of stupid brats. But even in the club I was sitting rather alone. I didn't talk with them as much as I used to. Mostly I was listening to them, not caring about anything...

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I had got a new goal. It was '' Higher Dimension ''. It was the new disco. I knew that there I could buy everything. From hashish to heroin. But I didn't even look at heroin. Everyone was telling me that it was shit and nothing more, and that it was not worth anything. I of course believed in it. Everything that people from ''Climate'' said was important to me and I always listened to them. Because for me they all were wiser and more intelligent that I was.

I didn't know if they would let me in. To the '' Higher Dimension '' only people who had sixteen years could went inside. And I? I was thirteen...

But I already changed the date of birth on my School identification card so they had to let me in.

When I entered that club everything seemed different to me. People were more ...amazing, but I knew some of them from ''Climate''

Then I saw someone familiar there. It was Mike...

I went towards him to say hi, but when he looked at me I stayed quiet. He wasn't Mike that I used to know anymore. He really impressed me then. He was more amazing than every person from ''Climate'' was.

He was known in the '' Higher Dimension''. People from there felt respect before him, I could see that by the looks that he got from them. And then I felt my inferiority complex. He was a drug addict. He was taking the heroin. I thought that it was a lie, but now I could see that it wasn't. People from ''Climate'' told me that Mike started to taking that stuff, but I couldn't believe in that. Mike was the one who told me it was a shit. So why was he taking it then? But maybe it wasn't as bad as everyone said.

Mike asked me what I had got. I answered him that I had only some cocaine nothing more. He wanted me to gave it to him so I did. I watched as he took it with shaky hands. Then he told me to not come here again.

I didn't understand him, why he didn't want me to come here? I asked him then what he was talking about. Then he glared at me like I murdered someone from his family or something. '' every shot is a half of death '' when he spoke those words he went out of the club, leaving me behind.

After a week I found out that he was dead. He overdosed...

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Now I was fourteen. After Mike's death I was depressed. He was a friend of mine after all. I decided to stop taking that shit. But it didn't waste for a long time. So from time to time I took some acid. But that wasn't enough either. I went to the club '' Climate '' to my friends, but they split up. Of those who were smoking hashish and those who were taking heroin. I sat next to them and Steve seeing my bad mood gave me some cocaine. I took it of course. After that I started to take even more drugs than before. Whenever I didn't take something I felt like shit. I wasn't taking them anymore because I wanted to be on that feeling... I was taking them because I wanted to see everything in normal way. I didn't want to be sad or depressed so I was taking those things.

When Riza and Roy adopted me I told myself: ' that's enough of it! No more! Now you have to focus on school and marks. Try to make your new parents proud of you! '

When I entered the new school first person that I meet was Nick. He wanted to show me my right place because I was new in there. I told him to fuck off. He then grinned and told me that he liked my attitude. We quickly became friends. Nick was taking drugs as well but he was also snorting the heroin. I told him many times that it was a wrong thing to do ,but he always said that from sniffing no one would get addicted...

So sometimes I was sniffing it with him. The feeling was just awesome! Everything seemed different to me. Now I understood why people were sniffing that stuff. But I wasn't stupid like some of them. I knew that I could get addicted. So I was only sniffing. But later did I know that it didn't matter how you took heroin, you always got addicted...slower of faster...but you did...

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And now he wrote something about shit! I really didn't understand him... I had enough of it! Fuck you all.

I took out everything that was inside. Nick gave me everything that I needed...even water? Maybe he didn't want me to forget about doing something? I didn't know and I didn't think about this any more. I wanted so badly to take it.

I have taken out the spoon, lemon and syringe. I sprinkled the white powder on the spoon. I added a couple of water drops, and some lemon juice, because the powder that never was clean could better dissolve.

I heated everything up by my lighter. Then I take the syringe. When everything was inside of it I put the spoon on bed. Next I looked down at my right arm, and for a while I looked at my vein. And I reminded something. I smiled to myself about what it was. Now I understood why Nick gave me this. I closed my eyes and said ''Happy Birthday Edward '' and injected the substance.

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**There is a thing that I thought I'd explain to you:**

**1) **_From September to the 1st January we've got the 1st semester. Then from 1st January to 27th June we've got the second one. Every person have new marks and all in the new semester. But every person must pass both of them. If someone didn't pss the 1st one he can do it in the 2nd one (but he must learn the new things from the 2nd semester as well and pass that ). -I know it's a little different in some countries_

**(A/N) Sorry that I didn't update it yesterday! my cousin with my aunt paid me a visit ( an unexpected one)! and I had to take care of him all day so I didn't have time to write much... **

**And sorry for all my mistakes - remember that English is my second language! **

**Shimoariku I hope that you are happy as well :) **

**And a review would be nice...because I want to know if it sucked or not...**


	4. Chapter 4

(A/N) Thanks for those who reviewed or read my story!

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**The Silent Tear**

**Chapter 4**

There was a disco. It was called '' Sound ''. Ashlyn took me there for the first time. I didn't even know when we started dating. But I knew one thing for sure she didn't care for me and neither did I. In school every one who was better had a girlfriend.

Teachers hated her, she was taking drugs with me. That was only one thing that we were doing together. But she was pretty. I was proud of her. I didn't feel ashamed when we were walking somewhere together., like most of boys. I felt better because I had her as my girlfriend. But now her mother took her to some old church lady to the other town. I didn't know how she would survive there. Without drugs, but knowing her she would find a way to get them.

'' Sound '' was similar to the '' Higher Detention '' but there was even more amazing people, the music was louder and there was more dealers.

I told my step parents that I was going to a sleepover to my friend house. After lecturing me they agreed. Of course I was going to the '' Sound '' place at that night.

I was sitting with others by the table. I really wanted to take something. I needed it. But I was completely out of money. But they shared with me. They gave me some acid and cocaine. I took it and drank some cheap wine. Then I caught that feeling. World seemed to me more beautiful that before. At the end they shared with me with heroine. But no one have the syringe and all needed stuff. But that wasn't the problem, because there were a lot of heroine takers. We only had to ask them about help. We borrowed some old syringe, but we didn't care. We only wanted to take it.

In the middle of the night we went out of that disco. We walked to the skating rink. The ice was slowly becoming a water because that night was warmer than usually. I was skating on that water and I imagined that I was skating in a ocean. Suddenly I heard someone breaking the window. They started to rob the cash desk in that place and started to ran off and so did I. When we were at the train station in the left part of the city they started to sharing with robbed money. I got something as well even if I did completely nothing. We all were so happy not because of that money but because of cops who were patrolling that place at night. They would have a trouble in the morning. I didn't know if it was drugs or not but we started to throwing money at the street. Not caring about them. There wasn't any noise except that what our voices done in miles. We acted like some kids that opened out their Christmas presents.

We went through the train station. I never was there. It's not like I didn't travel by the train before. In town where I lived we had two train stations. The firs one was for the rich people. Trains were clean and expensive. People from there were nice and friendly or they tried to act like this.

The train station where we were at was really dirty. There were so many tramps who were laying in corners. Every thing from there was covered in dirt.

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Every day seemed so depressing to me now. I didn't know the reason why I was doing what I was doing. I didn't see any reason in my life. Hashish didn't give me anything anymore, sometimes when I took it I was different, so out of there, but that was all. It didn't help me anymore. So I started to take even more pills.

And so months passed by. I was taking heroine more often that before. At least twice a week. But it wasn't like that I was addicted. No. I could stop whenever I wanted to.

Once when I had some money I really overdid with pills in '' Sound''. I was in a really bad mood then, I felt so depressed even more that usually. I took two captagans, three ephedrine's and a couple of pills of kofeine and I drank it all by bear. When it started to tearing me apart I didn't like it. I tried to calm myself down by taking valium. I didn't even remember how much I actually took it.

I tried to go home. But I couldn't stand that feeling and in a street I fell down. I crawled to steps from some building. After a while I stood up and support myself by using the walls. My home was at the end of that street. It seemed to me like a road which didn't ended. I thought that I would die if I won't come back to home. But the worse was that pain in my chest. I felt like someone was trying to make a hole in my heart by sword. I didn't know what had happened next. I remembered only the moment when fell on my bed.

Riza and Roy tried to wake me up in the next morning, but nothing happened.

When they came back to home from their work and they saw me in the same position I was left, they started to use a cold water. I remembered seeing their faces, but I was completely limp. I didn't know what was

happening next to me.

In the next day I could stand on my own. I told them that I had a stomach flu and some problems with my circulation. And that some of my classmates had it before. I told them also that the doctor wasn't needed because I would be alright by the end of the week. They seemed satisfied with that bullshit ,they always were when I was telling them about my state I was in. I thought that they were stupid because how anybody could believe that nothing was wrong with me? But after some time I understood that they didn't want to know the truth. They preferred to live in lie.

I was right in the next days I felt a lot of better. I even went to the '' Sound'' on Saturday. I took acid there. And for the first time I saw a nightmare. I had my first trip horror. There was some poster with a man smoking. In the right corner was a little blue spot. And it started to change. It changed into a face. An ugly one. But in the last minute I succeed into focusing my mind on something else.

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I was sitting in my history class. I was thinking of ways to get some money. When the bell rang I quickly walked out of my classroom.

I looked for Alphonse. I was sure he had money, he always did. Roy always gave him some when he got an excellent mark.

Finally I saw him. He was reading some book. I smiled to him friendly. He was rather shocked by my behaviour. I never came to him on the breaks.

'' Hey Al'' I started.

''Edward? Can I do something for you?'' He knew that I wanted something so I'd just ask without any other stupid questions.

'' Can I borrow some money ?''

'' I'm sorry but no'' he shortly answered and went back to reading.

'' May I know why not?'' I asked him with anger in my voice. I didn't want it to sound like that I just got angry at that statement. I wanted to hear a different answer! Maybe I wasn't used to that answers because no one ever said 'no' to me before. I always got what I wanted.

He looked at me again and said with calmly voice. '' Dad said I can't let you borrow anything '' I was lucky I didn't sit because I would fall from the chair hearing that comment. '' Daddy said so and I the most perfect and the most intelligent son will obey his orders. Because he is my daddy and I am a good boy!'' I muttered to myself making sure Al heard me.

''Edward I really can't ...'' but I cut him off yelling '' Just go to hell you fucking asshole! '' He was surprised, but not as much as I was. I didn't want to say such a words to him and I didn't want to yell in the first place! But I felt strange then. Like I couldn't control my anger any more. I decided to go somewhere else where I wouldn't meet him because I didn't know what I'd do. I was so pissed that I could beat the shit out of him.

I started to walk away. I didn't care of Al who was calling me by my name. I had to find something that would help me relax. What was the day today? Wednesday? How could I forget about such a silly thing? But I had to know because I didn't know what period I had now. I grabbed some kid by collar of his shirt '' What day is today? '' I asked. ''M-m...ond..ay...'' he answered shakily. Monday! Why I started to forget about things and all? Is something the matter with my memory? Ah fuck it!

I looked at that kid one more time. Heh who would guess that he was from my class. And another plus? He was smoking. '' Give me your cigarettes '' He didn't argue or try to run. He just hand it over and stood still waiting for my next comment. Everybody from my class knew damn well that they would be screwed if they wouldn't do something right, just like I wanted to. '' Get loss '' I hissed. I didn't even blink and the kid was already gone. No where in sight. I had some shitty cigarettes but I couldn't complain. At least I had something to take to survive the rest of the day, but I knew I must take something else by the end of the evening.

But of course Al saw everything. He just passed me without another word. But I saw that in his eyes. That disappointment. How I hated it. I didn't know why I hated it, maybe because of my mom? Whenever I done something not right she tried to smile and help me out and she always hugged me at the end...but I always noticed that feeling which she tried to hide. I saw it in her eyes. Disappointment.

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When I was walking home I meet one of my mates. He was a drug dealer. I asked him if he could give me something, anything. He only smiled sadly seeing my determination, but I didn't care. He gave me two pills of acid. I took it right after he gave me them.

After a while when normally it should work I didn't feel much difference. I was thinking that he gave me some shit.

I went inside of my home. I wanted to go straight to my room. I wasn't in the good mood to see my step parents or their precious son. But of course Roy had to greet me in the doorway. He looked rather pissed ...like always . But he didn't say anything else just look at me with his dark eyes. I felt like I had done something bad which deserved punishment.

When I was walking to my room I saw Alphonse and then I understood everything. He told his parents about my outburst today and that pocket of cigarettes. That was the reason why Roy was looking at me like that.

When I sat on my bed I wanted to focus my mind on one thing: drugs. That wasn't good. Maybe I should end with heroine? But people couldn't get addicted easily. Right? And I could always just stop taking it. Whenever I wanted to I could always stop. Every time! But I didn't want to stop it now...

I felt strange sleepy. My eyes were closing by themselves. So I was laying on my bed with my eyes half opened. I started to feel that acid which I took before. And after some time I had something like a nightmare... again. That horror returned.

That blue spot from ''Sound'' changed into that face again. After a while I started to panic because I was scared of it. I couldn't turn my head in the other direction. I couldn't close my eyes. When I tried they only widened. I was completely numb, glancing at that scary thing.

Next I thought I was bleeding. My blood was everywhere, on my clothes, on my bed, on the walls and floor. It seemed to me like hours. I couldn't say a word, I couldn't move.

But in the last moment I turned around, somehow and closed my eyes.

I didn't remember much after that. I knew only that I was woken up by someone who was shaking me by my shoulder. It was Riza.

I looked at her worried face. I couldn't argue with her. Her actions remind me of mom. It's hard to say it. But sometimes I was jealous of Al. Look at him. He had everything. Money, his own room, good marks, father and what's the most important. A good and kind mother.

I looked at her. I didn't want to say anything. I didn't trust my voice. I waited for her to spoke.

'' Edward you're a teen. You have many problems like we all had once. You know that you can trust us right? '' she asked. I reminded silent.

'' If there was something that you couldn't handle on your own you would tell me or Roy right? '' she asked once again. I looked at her, in her worried eyes and with thin voice I answered '' Yes ''

She only smiled at me. It wasn't a big smile but a smile nonthenless. I always liked when someone was smiling because of me. And by telling her that I trust them all and by telling her that I didn't have any problems I was making her smile. In other words I was making her smile by lying.

She kissed me on my forehead and went out of my room closing doors behind her. She cared for me right? So why she left? Why she didn't stay with me a little longer?

I didn't know when tears started to leak from my eyes. I tried to whip them off but there always were new ones. I felt so worthless right then. So worthless and good for nothing. Whole world seemed to me so hopeless and pitiful.**1)**

I took out from my bag packet of cigarettes and I didn't care if the doors were locked or not. I started to smoke it. One by one. I didn't know when I smoked all packet and I still I felt empty. I needed to take something.

I didn't have money ,so I had to find someone who had some heroine. I needed that drug.

Without bothering with opening the window and doing something with that smoke smell I went out of my room taking my bag with me. When I was going through the hallway I saw a wallet. Roy's wallet. Something told me to go away from it as far as I could but my legs didn't listen. I heard some footsteps coming in my way, so I acted quickly without thinking of it twice. I grabbed some money from it and put it back on the closet where it was laying.

'' What are you doing?'' I heard my step father asking.

'' I'm going to my friend's house, we have to do a history project in order to get a good mark '' I lied. Heh I was good at it.

'' But don't be late for supper '' He informed me with a smile. He was happy because I told him I was going to learn, to do something in order to pass the first semester. I only waved him and quickly ran out of the house. Everyone said that a lie was a bad thing. But without those lies they wouldn't be happy...right?

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I went to the market in order to find my dealer. His stuff was good. There wasn't any risk by buying it. I hated days when he wasn't in town. I had to buy it from someone else.

When I found him I give him my money and he gave me some heroine ,cocaine and two pills of acid.

I went to the train station to the one of the public toilets. I wanted to take heroine. But somewhere in my head I heard voices. They told me that I was worthless. They told me about letting Riza and Roy down. People who wanted my good. I felt like shit then. I didn't know what to do. I could take it now for the last time...

But someone interrupted me. It was an old drug addict. I heard about him from the others. He was in the doldrums. And I didn't want to end like he did.

He was standing right in front of a mirror in the public toilet. And he took out some old syringe and he sticked it into his throat. He didn't have any other place to do it any way. Because the other veins weren't any use any more.Then he started to bleed. Maybe he took it by the artery? He wasn't scared of anything. I couldn't take anything like he did. Next what I know was him passing by me with a smile. He looked like death, like a wreck...

I didn't know when my syringe feel onto the dirty ground. I quickly pick it up. I looked at the white powder in my right hand. I threw it to my bag as well as the syringe and I went to my home.

No more! Now I had to do something in order to prove my worth to Roy and Riza. I would show them that I can pass that school. And I would do something with the teachers maybe? I would show them as well that I want to pass. And I wouldn't see that eyes with disappointment in them. I wouldn't never!

Thinking like that I went to my home. I threw my bag as far from my as it was possible. I didn't want to have anything to do with drugs. Never again! I wouldn't end like that old addict.

But suddenly the doors went wide opened. In the doorway stood my step dad. He looked furious. I didn't know what to do, be scared and wait or ran away.

'' Listen to me clearly! If I see you somewhere else than in your room or in school you will regret it understood! I won't allow a thief to live in my house! "

I didn't know what to answer. I totally forgot about that money which I stole from him earlier.

'' And I don't want to see you with a cigarette! Understood! '' he yelled one more time. Did he really think I was deaf or what? But how he found out that I was smoking? Al! He told him! Or maybe not? My room smelled like one big packet of cigarettes...

'' Yes'' I answered him shortly.

'' That's all? You aren't planning eee...I don't know...oh maybe apologizing to me! I'm your father crying out loud! If you needed money that badly you just have to say so '' He was not my father! My father left me years ago and he didn't give a shit about my whereabouts. So I didn't want another one. '' you're not my bastard father. I hate him. '' I muttered to myself. I didn't care if he heard me or not.

'' Could you say it a bit louder?'' I didn't know what the hell possessed me ,but I yelled '' You aren't my father! ''

Next thing that I remembered was seeing a hand. He slapped me right across my face. I didn't suppose he would do something like that. I could tell that he was in shock himself. I guess he didn't hit a kid before. But there always must be the first time...

'' Edward...'' But he didn't finish what he wanted to because I grabbed my bag and I ran out of that house.

I found myself in the familiar toilet. I heard that voices again. But this time they were shouting. With shaking hands I prepared everything that was needed to take my dearest drug. I didn't give a shit about school ,a good reputation and a good marks. Next thing that I know was that warm feeling which was the cause of the drug in my vein.

Then I knew one thing for sure. I was addicted.

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**(A/N)**

**I thought I would explain something:**

**1)** When someone is taking drugs he has strange changes of mood. In one second he can laugh with all his life and in the second one he can cry a river for no reason.

They also have memory problems.

_Sorry for taking me so long! I couldn't use my computer..._

_And it would be nice if you would tell me what you think of it. Even if it will be a flame I really want to know! Thanks again! _


	5. Chapter 5

**(A/N) Thanks for those who reviewed or read my story! **

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**The Silent Tears  
Chapter 5**

I was hungry so I stole some sweets and chocolate from the supermarket. And I was sure that I wouldn't take anything like that to my mouth again. I had stomach ache and I felt dizzy.

Some times I thought I was going to faint. I couldn't go in that state to my home, if I still had one.

It was maybe three or four in the morning and I was still sitting in that toilet, I didn't have any other place to go anyway. I looked in the mirror and if I had some strength left I would break it. My face was a bit yellow. It looked like I had an jaundice. But that's the old addict illness and I wasn't addicted that much. I always could stop taking that stuff if I wanted to. So what the fuck was happening to me?

But when I ate that chocolate I had an attack. My liver couldn't take that much of sugar. I fell on the floor, I tried to stand up but I didn't have enough strength to do it.

I didn't know how much time I was laying there, alone.

But it was already morning when some old man came and yelled for help. People called an ambulance which took me immediately to the hospital.

They put me into the isolation ward. It was so white there, not a single other color. Everything in there was white. That room was also small and not a single picture was hanging off the wall. The nurse almost without any words was coming with some food, drinks and pills. And sometimes doctor came and asked how I was doing. And it was like that for about three weeks. I couldn't leave that room even for one second.

Nobody visited me, nobody talked with me. There were often times when I thought that I wouldn't take it any more. In days when I felt extremely bad I was thinking:

'' You are an addict! And you have your first jaundice! You aren't worth their time! ''

Thoughts where I was a good student, teachers liked me and my new parents were proud of me came back again.

I remembered times when I was taking the 'soft' drugs. Hashish, speed were so brilliant. I didn't need anything else except that. But after some time I started to taking the hard ones. People from 'Climate' were always telling me to watch out at those hard drugs, but they were the ones who took it in the first place.

I was wondering what had happened to them. I knew only that our old group split up on those who were taking hard and on those who were taking soft drugs.

But mostly I didn't think of anything. I only glanced at that white ceiling for hours wishing that my time which I had left ended soon.

I was afraid about that the doctor would find out the reason why I was sick. But in the last weeks there wasn't any scars from the syringe. But who would except a kid taking drugs anyway?

After three weeks I had to learn a little how to walk again. Next I could go home.

Roy and Riza came for me. Riza hugged me like her life was depending on it, but Roy's face was cold. I didn't know what he was thinking. It looked like he preferred to leave me there.

I couldn't leave home for about two weeks. Riza was taking care of me. We often talked...maybe it was rather like her talking and me listening but never mind that. She helped me with everything, with my life.

From her words I understood that we all had some purpose for living. We should focus on our goals and choose path to achieve them. I wish I could just forget about everything.

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In the next morning I had to go to school. People from my class greeted me friendly. I was so happy then.

But teachers weren't as kind as they should be. They were looking at me like at some disease. It was like they knew why I was ill. But how? And then I forget about my idea of a good student.

Only one person who seemed more depressed when she saw me was Ashlyn. She looked at me with cold eyes. When I asked her what was wrong she only smiled and answered that it was fine. I didn't understand her sometimes, but she changed. Not only her ways of behaving but her appearance changed as well. She was fatter than before ,but still pretty. Her eyes had more life. She seemed to me like a completely different person.

It was Saturday. We went to the '' Sound '' I told my parents that I was sleeping at a friends house. Riza let me go of course without Roy knowing... She knew he wouldn't agree so she wanted me to go before Roy came back from work. Ashlyn told her mother that she was staying at her best friend house as well.

We drank some cheap wine and I took two pills of acid. I didn't know why, but I wasn't happy when Ashlyn took them as well. I could tell that she didn't took anything when she was away in her grandmother house.

I was wondering why? Maybe she wanted to end it? But how she survived for about five weeks? And now when I took her here she wanted to take something without another word? But I didn't plan on stopping her. That was her life not mine.

I went to my mates leaving her with some girls. After some time I noticed that she was nowhere in sight. I was a little worried. I didn't want something bad happen to her, but why? I didn't care about her earlier and now I was worried? Something was really not right with me...

So I went out of that club . I had to find her. I went down the street. Maybe she was at home? But I didn't have anything better to do so I went towards her house.

And finally I found her. She was laying on the ground near a bus stop. She was sleeping and I couldn't wake her up. Then I heard some people who were getting out of the bus which arrived. One of them was Ashlyn's mother...

She was working in the sauna and she was coming back from her work. It was already 10pm so Ashlyn should be at her friend's house in bed sleeping ,not here. She was very angry. She told me that she didn't want to see me again and that I couldn't meet with her daughter. Next she grabbed Ashlyn by her arm, that must hurt her because she opened her eyes. Her mother hit her hard on her face a couple of times. That looked horrible, but I was glad that something like that happened to her. At least now she was in a good school with good marks and her future was a lot of better than mine. I didn't see her again.

But I understood one thing. She started to take drugs because of me. I was the reason, I could ruin her life. That made me even more depressed than I already was. That night I spent in club.

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Everyone were always telling me to stop taking heroine. They told me that I would regret it. But they were taking it themselves! So couldn't they just watch their own business!

I met with Nick. We went to his friend house. I told my parents that I was sleeping in his house. Riza of course agreed. She was really happy when I went out of her house. She was always happy when I told that I was going to go to the friends house. Al didn't have friends so she was happy that I had. I and Nick were often sitting in my room. Once we even took some pills. We had so good mood then. We were laughing all the time. Roy was at work so only Riza was at home. But she didn't notice anything. She was laughing with us. She probably thought that we were some crazy teens.

We went into the Brain's house. He was one from our mates. He was living alone in a small apartment. He was an addict. His father was dead and his mother ...well she rent him this apartment, she was paying his bills and all. She knew that he was taking drugs and she didn't do anything to stop her only one son. But she thought that she was the best mother because who else would be paying for his son's place?

Who else would come every week and cheek him, if he was alright. Who else would give him some money on drugs?

But after some time she stopped with her visits when she and her new men moved into a bigger place in other city. She visited him now only occasionally. Maybe once a month?

And about his apartment? Well it was a ruin. The smell was awful. The empty bottles of bear or wine were laying almost everywhere. Walls that were white were now yellow. In the right corner was a big bed. Above it was hanging a small mirror.

The curtains were even more yellow that the walls were. And next to the bed was laying a carpet, and it smelled more awful than all his apartment. And that was it, no closets, no tables, no chairs...

How someone could survive in there. He sold everything that he had in order to buy drugs. Poor guy he was desperate.

I understood why that carpet was stinky when I saw Brian who was taking heroin. He had extracted the syringe from his vein with leavings of blood, he had brimmed it with water and emptied the contents on his carpet. He always was cleaning his equipment so.

So the beads of blood were on his carpet. That awful smell was the smell of dried blood. . .

We talked about many things, but mainly about drugs and their effects. No..it was like them who talked and me who listened to their conversations.

It was late at night when we went to sleep. Brian said that I could take the bed. I didn't object because sleeping on this dirty floor really didn't sound fun. But I felt guilty. It was his home after all and I was only a guest, but when I wanted to tell him something he already left with Nick behind. So I was alone in that mess. Slowly I closed my eyes and drifted into sleep. I didn't have any nightmares, I didn't dream of anything.

The suddenly cold that hit me woken me up. I looked at some box which was laying next to the closed window. It scared the shit out off me. Maybe not the box but the colors that were on it, they were so shiny that my eyes started to hurt. The most of I was scared of the red color. When I injected heroine red was muted, like all colors on that drug.

But suddenly red was aggressive, here on that damn box.

My mouth was full of saliva. I swallowed it, but right after I did it ,it was just the same. Then it disappeared somehow and my mouth was dry.

I tried to drink something , but I couldn't make myself to do so. I was so cold that I started to shake violently. But finally it stopped, all this cold, but this time I felt rather warm. It was so hot that I thought I had some kind of fever or something. Then Nick and Brian came into this room. Nick was telling me about something ,but I didn't hear him, I only saw his lips move. Even if I wanted to hear I couldn't focus myself into doing it.

My eyes were half closed when , I was shaking again even more than before. But then some pale hand grabbed me by my cheek. When I opened my eyes I saw Nick's. He muttered something to Brian and let go off me completely. Next what I knew was someone taking my right arm. I felt the syringe in my vein. Then I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

I woke up in the afternoon. I felt rather good. Colors were normal now.

'' You have what you wanted. I hope you're happy now '' Nick said. I was surprised to hear him because I didn't acknowledge that he was there.

I knew what he meant by that sentence. It was a drug hunger that I felt this morning. But it wasn't that bad like they all were telling me.

But I didn't feel the real pain yet.

I looked into the mirror. My hair was dirty and messed up, my eyes had bags under them, and I just generally looked like a mess. But I had to come back home. I promised Riza that I would be beck before 12pm but it already was 2pm. I hoped that they weren't home. . .

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**(A/N) Sorry for all mistakes! I know that there are plenty of them. I know it's too short! **

**It'd be nice if you would tell me what you think of it.**


	6. Chapter 6

**(A/N) Thanks those who reviewed my story or just read it !**

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**The Silent Tears**

**Chapter 6**

--Ed's POV--

It was 3pm when I entered my house. Riza and Roy were no where in sight, but doors were unlocked so someone must be in house then. I went upstairs to my room only to find Al sitting there.

When he saw me he smiled friendly, but didn't say anything. I wondered how long he was there, waiting for me.

'' Why are you here? '' I asked him. I felt rather calm. Always when I took that drug I felt so good and my mood was just great! I didn't think about anything, any problems and worries. But now it was different. Now when I finally was addicted I couldn't even describe the way I felt about it. But it wasn't so bad, were they lying to me about the 'hunger' thing and that you are really weak then? . . .

'' I wanted to talk '' came the reply interrupting my thoughts.

'' Talk? About what? '' I asked him. What the hell he wanted from me? Next he stood up and put his hand on my shoulder, he wanted to look me in my eyes, but I didn't let him. I wasn't stupid. I knew that eyes were different when someone was on drugs so I just closed them and asked '' So are we talking or not? ''

He sighed and slowly said '' You know that our parents are worried about you right? Dad ordered me to tell him if you were late... '' So this it was about. He wanted to tell Roy that I was...eee...3 hours late. Was he trying to piss me off? If yes then he really knew how to do it.

But what I heard next completely shocked me.

'' I won't tell him anything but you must promise me something '' I looked at him with widened eyes. Was he going to lie? He?! The perfect daddy son? Well that was a surprise...

'' Sure ''

'' That nothing bad will happen to you. That you will always tell me what's wrong. I will try my best to help you. You know that you can always count on me right?'' He stated. Determination was written on his face. Was he worried about me? But...but why? I didn't do anything in order to gain his friendship. Because only true friends care right?

'' I ...I ...'' I was speechless. Never in my life I heard words like that from anyone except my mother.

Then he hugged me tight. It felt strange because I wasn't used to it. First I didn't know what to do but next I found myself hugging him back.

I wanted so badly to tell him about everything, to find person who will listen to what I wanted to say, to have a friend.

'' You know you can tell me everything. I won't tell anyone'' I didn't know what to do then. If I would tell him about me taking drugs it would scared the shit out of him. I wanted to tell him about everything, but what would I do if he told Riza...or Roy? ''Al...thank you '' I quietly whispered.Then it was his turn to be shocked. I never thanked him for anything.

Maybe he would help me, maybe I needed someone who I could trust. . .

But then I heard someone closing the front doors. Al let go of me and said that parents returned home and he was going to see them . He asked me if I was coming as well, but I just shrugged. He apparently took it as a 'no' because he left saying that he would be back soon. But I wanted to go, I didn't want to stay alone...

I sat on my bed and I started feeling so...so..empty? I felt useless. I wanted someone to be there with me, to held me and tell me that everything would be ok. But there was no one. Just empty wall. I felt really depressed and sad. Why did he has to leave? Why couldn't he stay any longer? Why I was so fucking emotional ?! It wasn't like I cared about that matters ,right?

I heard a soft knock on my doors and when I said 'come in' Riza entered my room with a smile on her face.

'' Hello Ed, how was your day? '' She asked me with a friendly voice. Voice that my mom was using when she spoke with me. It was so soft and caring. I would never forget that voice.

'' good''

But before she could ask another question Roy went inside and asked if she could go with him. '' I will be right back '' she said kissing me on my forehead before shutting doors from the other side of my room. My hand traveled up upon my forehead to a place where she kissed me. I smiled a little but it faded when I my gaze went on the doors which looked like it wouldn't open again anytime soon.

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--Riza's POV--

I remembered how happy I was when Edward entered our family. It was sad to watch when Al was sitting there alone, without anyone to talk to. So I thought about adoption. But I didn't do it only because of Al, I always wanted to have another child, but I couldn't let myself skip work so I decided to adopt. Roy didn't object. He was really happy when I told him my idea.

When for the first time I saw Edward I knew it was him that I wanted to. I didn't know why though...he had something, but I couldn't tell what it was. It was something that got my attention.

The orphanage which he was living in was nothing more than just some old dirty house. When I went inside of it I saw kids who were laughing and smiling. It shocked me because I didn't know mood like that could be in such a place. But there was only one person who didn't smile and was sitting far away from them all. I saw him by the window. It was Edward. Everyone were downstairs, playing in some games but he was sitting under a tree, alone. He watched the sky. When I went towards him ,he didn't even notice me or at least I thought so. I sat next to him. That was me who started the conversation. I asked him about his name, age and rest of important things. He was answering me shortly. He didn't ask me about anything and I didn't see him trying to keep that conversation up. Next Roy came and I introduced him to Ed. But he looked at the boy like he wasn't sure of something...

In the next couple of days we came almost every day there. Most of the time I spent with Edward, why ...I didn't know. But he was the only one child who didn't do everything in order to get adopted.

Every kid who I talked with seemed to me like an untruthful person. They all were lying there, everyone except Edward. Whatever I would ask about they always tried to answer me like I would wanted to hear not like it was for real. But when I talked with Ed and I said that he didn't do something right, as he should do he just shrugged and was glancing at that sky. I knew by his ways of looking that he loved nature. He really enjoyed spending with it every minute.

I told Roy that I wanted to adopt Edward. He didn't argue with me ,but only one thing that he asked was ''Are you sure?''

I didn't know what was he thinking? Was he my husband or not? If yes then he would be a parent too crying out loud! So only one thing that he had to say was ''Are you sure?'' Those man...

When Al saw Edward he was a bit shy but after some time it changed. They talked a lot. It seemed to me that Ed was really attached to Al. I and Roy were so happy seeing them together, spending their free time.

I could tell that Ed was really impressed about Al's diplomas and marks. He said that he never seen such a person who got marks like that. He didn't even know that was possible. I knew that Ed wasn't an A student. He told me it himself. And that was one of many examples from the orphanage. Ed told me about his studying the truth not like the rest of kids from there. If I would believe them then everyone from there were a genius...

I and Roy hoped that he would catch up fast. He got a C from everything. I didn't count on that he would be an A student,,,but he could be better than that right? He never complained about his marks or problems.

Roy didn't hide his disappointment when Edward told us his mark, I always tried to not let him see it. But I didn't know if I hide it or not.

After some time something changed. Ed and Al didn't spend their time together as they used to. It started a couple of days when Ed went to his new school. Ed was always going somewhere with his new friends now, sometimes he was spending nights at their house's. I didn't have anything against it. I was even happy then, happy and sad at the same time. Al didn't have many friends so he stayed rather by himself and that was the reason why I felt sad. But I was feeling happiness as well. Ed had so many friends, that meant people liked him.

Roy was always telling me that his friends weren't good, but I told him that he didn't know them well. And if their were Edward's friends that meant they were good.

But Roy didn't talk with Ed much. I never knew why. But I was sure of it that he was really caring for him. Maybe his words didn't speak of him but his actions did. I always found Roy waiting impatiently for Ed to come back from his friend house. When he was late Roy would want to go out and look for him but I always told him that it would be alright. And of course it was when Ed came back.

At the beginning Roy was mad at him for his lateness, but after some time he only waited for him to came back and then without another word went to his bed to sleep.

Sometimes he watched as Ed and his friends were coming back from school. Roy told me that some of them were smoking, but I knew that Ed was spending his time with older than himself. Some of them were even 18 so it really didn't worry me. And I knew that Ed would never smoke. We talked about it once. About drugs and other matters. Ed said he would never took it, so I believed him. But my husband of course didn't seem satisfaction with this answer.

We didn't have any problems with Al so why we would have them with Ed? I let him do everything what he wanted. He didn't have any duties in home. He could go everywhere and whenever he wanted to. He would get everything what he dreamt of.

I wanted to make my children happy as much as I could. I would have given everything in order to do it. I was trying the best as I could and still...I felt like it wasn't enough. Edward still seemed to me unhappy.

He was often smiling and laughing, especially when he brought his friend Nick with him. They were so crazy sometimes. When sometimes I went to Ed's room to see how they were doing I found myself laughing with them. Really their mood was always good. I didn't know even why I was laughing, it was just when I saw that two I couldn't stop myself. Those were times when I was glad that Ed was here, that he didn't sit under that tree with sad eyes...

But now there was something about him that worried me. He was so pale and thin. But how could he be when he always was eating all my cooking? He was eating in his room and bringing the empty plate to the kitchen. So that meant he ate it all...

I remembered that day when Ed ran away from our house. Roy said that Ed stole his money but I couldn't believe it. Edward would never do it. I told Roy that he was wrong but he didn't listen. He went straight to Ed's room when he came back from his friend house. I heard him yell but after some time they were quiet. I started to getting worried if something bad hadn't happen but in the next minute Ed was slamming his doors loudly and running towards the exit. I couldn't help it.

When Roy came to me he told me what had happened. I was so shocked that I couldn't speak for a moment. But I knew that he was regretting it. It was late and Ed went away. Roy said that he would go and look for him. I wanted to go with him then, but he told me that it would be better if I stayed at home. And so I did. When Roy went out I saw Alphonse in the hallway. I saw that he knew about what happened here. I could feel it by the look which he gave me. He was worried about his brother as well as me.

It was getting late and Roy hadn't come back yet...and neither did Edward. But then I heard someone entering the house. I and Al went there to look if it was Roy and Ed ,but it wasn't. It was only Roy with a guilty face and sad eyes. He really looked depressed. He said that he didn't find him even if he looked almost everywhere. We didn't know what to do. Ed was gone, missing. I was so worried.

Roy ordered Al to go to his room and sleep, but he didn't want to go. After seeing that look on Roy's face Al decided it would be better if he obeyed his father. So he went to his room. But I didn't think that he slept anyway.

I didn't know what happened next because I fell asleep on Roy's shoulder. When I woke up I was laying under the warm blanket on the couch. Roy was no where in sight. I looked at the clock and it was 7am. I walked into the kitchen and I saw Al who was sitting in the corner. I asked him about Roy and Ed. He answered me that Roy went out of the house somewhere between three in the morning and didn't came back yet.

I wanted to comfort Al because I knew he was worried about his brother and father but then the phone rang. It was Roy. He called from the hospital telling me that Ed was there in the isolation ward. I wanted to go there as fast as I could without Al but he didn't let me leave him behind. He wanted to see his brother because he cared about him.

Doctor said that Ed had a jaundice, I was in total shock. The doctor said that he must catch it from someone. But how? Doctor said it probably was something he drank with others from one bottle or maybe he had some contact with blood which was really doubtful .

Those three weeks were awful. I couldn't stand it. I wanted to see my son! But the doctors wouldn't let me.

Our house changed as well. Everyone became more quiet since Edward was in the hospital. I hated that silence. I tried to wait patiently until Ed would be back.

When that day came I couldn't calm myself. Al wanted to go with us but Roy ordered him to stay. It was better that way. I didn't have heart to tell him to not come , If I tried I would ended at letting him go because when I look at his eyes I couldn't argue with him.

When I saw Edward waiting for us I couldn't help myself. I ran to him and hugged him tight. Roy was standing besides me, I felt his presence when he put his hand on my shoulder. I let go of my son and grabbed him by his shoulders. I glanced at him. He was fatter than before but still slim. He must ate property there because he looked like new, but his eyes gave it all away. They seemed tired. But I didn't focus on that I was so happy that he was alright.

When we were going back to home I had a strange feeling . A feeling that told me Ed wasn't alright. But I shook my head and smiled to him gladly when he returned this smile. I could tell that Roy was happy as well, of course he didn't show it. But I saw that happiness when for the first time in three weeks he saw Edward in his eyes.

When Al saw him passing the doors he just jumped on him. But after awhile he went to his room. I understood that he was tired. I didn't let him go to school even if he wanted to go.

But when he finally went to his school he was in a good mood when he came back. I even let him go to his friend house on Saturday and Sunday. His friend Nick promised that he would teach Edward everything that was in those four weeks. I was happy that Ed had such a great friend. They spent all day learning. Roy wasn't glad about what I was doing but I didn't care. He was my son after all.

'' Riza I know you won't agree with me, but there's something wrong with Edward '' Roy said interrupting my thoughts. I just looked at him. And then what he meant by that hit me and I sent him a glare. How could he say such a things?! Ed was s normal boy who just needed more attention.

'' Riza don't you think that he's acting strange? ''

'' No'' I stated. There was nothing wrong with him. He sighed.

'' Riza listen...''

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--Ed's POV--

Something changed. They were looking at me in the different way. Especially Riza. . .I didn't know what had happened but I tried to ignore it. I tried to pretend that everything was ok. And two months passed by.

It was the end of the first semester. And I didn't pass it. But teachers let me do it in the second one. Like I would take the chance . . .

Al tried to spend his free time with me. Whenever I was in home he would always check how I was doing. Sometimes I was glat that he came but mostly I tried to ignore him.

I reminded myself of the times when I remembered, remembered the dates, seasons of year... Now all days seemed to me the same. Now I didn't think before I acted. I didn't care what was happening around me. I was completely different, I was numb. I wouldn't even understand the simple things, the simple words which people were saying to me. I was focused only on one person. And that was me, but I had no idea who I was. I didn't even know if I was still alive. I have forgotten most of the things. But maybe they weren't worth remembering?

There was one special day for me. I returned to my house from '' Sound''. I spent the night there so when I arrived at the front doors it was already 9 pm. I went to my room, to my bed. I layed there for a long time. I imagined myself as a normal teenager without much worries and problems. A teen who knew what to be alive means. The good mood was returning to me when I was dreaming of things like that. I knew that in my dreams I could be whoever I wanted to be.

In the afternoon I was woken up by Riza who brought me a dinner. She was always doing it when I was tired. I always ate something. It wasn't much because I couldn't let myself to eat more. Always when I tried I was ending in the bathroom throwing up. But now I could eat only yogurts ad some pudding. Nothing more.

I took my bag and went out of the room. I was too indifferent to notice that look which Roy and Riza gave me when I entered the bathroom with my bag...when I was inside I locked the door.

Like always I looked into the mirror. I have seen foreign face, I didn't recognize myself any more. That face wasn't mine. It couldn't be. As well as my whole body. I was so thin that every pants were way too big for me. I stopped to even feel it. Even if I was ill, my body didn't react. Heroin anaesthetized it from every pain, hunger and even from the high temperature. It only noticed the drug hunger.

I was standing before that mirror and prepared everything that I needed. The normal heroin that I was trying to buy was the white or brown powder. But this what I had was a gray -green powder. This was the most contaminated stuff. But it gave you the most incredible feeling. It was even better than the safe heroin. You think then that it's smashing your heart., but you must be careful with amount. You couldn't have too much because it would kill you. No ones heart would beat after some big amount of that drug. Especially when it wasn't a clean one.

When I saw the blood inside of the syringe and wanted to press it, happened the worse thing. Needle had been choked . When the blood which was involved for the syringe congeal , it's the end.

You could throw it away to the trash can.

But I needed it! I used all my strength to press it. I was really lucky because finally it was in my vein...

One more time I involved my blood to the syringe in order to rinse everything to the end. And then it chocked one more time! I was pissed. I had eight maybe ten seconds before I would catch that feeling.

I tried to press it with all my strength like for the first time. It had flown out from my hand and all bathroom was stained in blood.

But then it hit me. That was amazing. I had to hold my head back, because it rumbled in it. It was just like someone was hitting me with hammer in head. I felt amazing cramp in regions of my heart. Then it had paralyzed my left hand.

When I could normally move again I took a towel and started to wipe the blood off. It was everywhere. On the walls, floor ,mirror...

But then I heard a sharp knock on the doors. I thought it was Roy so I quickly started to wiping them off. Because I was in the hurry I didn't see some blood and I left the bloody towel on the now almost clean floor. When I heard more knocking I opened the door only to see Riza who pushed me aside and went into the bathroom. And I found Roy sitting in the living room looking at me when I went to my room. I closed the doors behind me and took some cigarette. I didn't even smoked it when Riza entered my room. She was angry, I never seen her like that.

'' You are taking drugs! '' She yelled.

'' No. What a silly idea...'' I started to tell but she grabbed me by my hands and used her strength to straighten them. She saw the fresh mark from the needle. Then she grabbed my bag and dumped everything on my bed. She saw the syringe and the rest of my stuff.

That what was in my bag was the proof of that I was an drug addict ,but she knew it already when she entered the bathroom...

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**(A/N) It was good or it sucks? **

**I know that my grammar is bad. I really KNOW it! So again sorry, but if someone is really bothered by it...please just don't read it, because I really can't help it. **


	7. Chapter 7

**(A/N) Thanks those who reviewed my story or just read it !**

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**The Silent Tears **

**Chapter 7**

_--Ed's POV--_

I stopped lying. Even if I took that awesome drug I felt depressed. I started to cry and I couldn't say anything. Riza stayed silent as well. I didn't hear her saying anything did I? But I noticed that she was shaking a little because she was shocked. When she went out of my room I heard her speaking with Roy. He would kill me if he knew about it! And now when he knew. . . damnit!

Then again Riza entered my room. She looked calmer than before. Behind her I saw Roy who looked rather angry. I was sure of that he would yell at me.

'' Is there something that we can do about it? Are you even going to stop? '' he asked me calmly.

That was something new for me. I thought that he would yell at me even hit me, but not this. And what to tell him? Of course I wanted to stop this! But always when I wanted to stop, when I told myself that I wouldn't take any drugs I always told myself that it's the last time when I was taking it. One more time and I won't even look at it, but it was easier to tell than to do. I always found myself taking that shit again and again. Sometimes I didn't even know that I was taking it. I wanted to stop! I really wanted to. When I started I was telling myself that I could stop whenever I wanted. But after some time I realized that I can't stop. I was too much into it.

'' I want to stop, I really want to '' I told them. Roy and Riza each changed looks and then looked at me. Then Riza asked '' Tell us Edward where did you find money to buy it. ''

I was screwed! I thought that they wouldn't ask me that question. But what to tell them , the truth? or lie again? They were always happy when I lied. But they wouldn't believe me any more if I lie so I will tell them the truth.

'' Well I received money from kids in school or just stole them from random people, but sometimes I get it from others ''

'' You stole them?! '' Riza yelled. I was surprised it wasn't Roy. '' calm down '' I heard him telling her.

'' Tell us Edward from who you get it. I promise I won't tell or do anything. I just want to know '' Roy said. I didn't know what to do now...tell him? Oh, damn with it all.

'' Nick ''

'' WHAT?! Nick is taking it as well '' I looked at the shocked Riza. She couldn't believe in this. She really liked him, she was glad when he came to our house, She always told me that I was lucky because Nick was a great friend.

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_--Riza's POV--_

That day when I saw blood in the bathroom and I checked Ed's hands I knew he was taking drugs. That was the most horrible experience in my life. It hurt me so deep. Ed gave me an account for my educational methods which I was so proud of. Now I saw that everything I have done was wrong. When Edward started to spending night's at his friends house I was happy, happy that he had a nice friends. Roy didn't look at it in the optimistic way. He always told me that Ed probably wasn't spending there that nights. But I didn't listen.

I really liked his best friend Nick. He was such a good boy. He was always polite and helpful, not once I found myself with him in shop where he was taking all my heavy bags. I would never suppose that he was taking drugs.

Roy always suspected something. He always told me that something was wrong with those two. I of course didn't let him tell one bad word about them. But once I asked Al if he knew something was happening with Ed, he told me that everything was alright. So I stayed with my beliefs. I was too blind to see that they were falling together. Or had Nick fallen long ago, doing nothing but dragging Ed down with him? Or was that Ed who fallen first? I didn't know answer at that question ,but I knew only one thing. I had to help them to stand up.

But if I must be honest with you I always had a bad feeling. I knew something wasn't right, but I pushed that feelings aside. I tried to not think about that. I only focused on the bright side.

It's hard for a mother to say that she made a terrible mistake. That all her efforts were good for nothing, that she didn't make the mother's roll.

I wanted to give my children everything that I didn't have. I wanted them to be happy.

I saw Ed when he was going to the bathroom with his bag. Roy looked at me then and said that wasn't normal. I told him that nothing was wrong. I wanted to show him that everything was fine so I went to the bathroom myself. I wanted to prove to him that he was that person who was wrong not me. When I wanted to go inside I found out that the doors were locked. I knocked once, twice. When I didn't hear any reaction I started to yell to him to open the door. When he finally opened them he went straight to his room. I saw blood and a little black spoon which he left on the washbasin. And bloody towel which was laying on the floor.

I was sure then Roy was right. I just didn't let that thoughts to me. I didn't want to think of my son as an addict.

I went to his room and said '' Edward what have you done ''. I was totally scared. I was shaking , I couldn't believe that everything happened behind my back. That I could stop it sooner. I didn't know if I should cry or yell. But I had to talk with him first. He started to cry. Tears were falling down his pale cheeks. He didn't want to look me in the eyes. '' Did you take heroin? '' I asked him. But again he didn't say anything. I only heard him crying more violently now. I knew about drugs a lot. I read some books about them as soon as Roy told me about his suspects. But even rater reading it I told myself that my Ed had nothing to do with it.

I used my strength to see his arms. Everything was clear for me. He had marks after taking the drugs on both his hands. I couldn't take it. I couldn't! I went out of his room with teary eyes only to find Roy who stopped me from going downstairs. He held me tight and said that everything would be fine. He wasn't so shocked because he was ready for that news, he was but I wasn't.

We went there together, to his room. When I was there standing and watching him I wanted to die. How could I let this happen?! And if I just let Roy do what he wanted to there wouldn't be any situation like this.

That was the blow which I wanted to escape from. I didn't notice anything bad in Ed's behavior. Maybe sometimes he came late and as soon as he entered our home he disappeared in his room. I thought that he was tired or he was sad because of his lateness.

When I calmed down I asked him from where did he find money to buy it. I knew that all money which he got from me and Roy weren't enough to supply his needs. When he told me that he was stealing and receiving money from kids I couldn't believe in it. I felt even worse than before. My son was a thief?! No, that couldn't be the truth! But I always tried to not think about things like they were only like I wanted to see them.

Good for me that Roy was there, holding me by my arm, because I don't know what I would do.

I thought that there wasn't one thing that would surprise me, but I was wrong. When Ed told me that it was Nick who was giving him drugs he proved me wrong. I thought I would faint. Nick?! That Nick?! He was such a sweet boy. He was often helping me.

After a couple of minutes when my heart was beating in regular way, I and Roy talked about what to a next. I was sure that I couldn't leave that boys alone.

In the next day I went to the Nick's house. His father greeted me in the doorway. I told him about everything. And he knew about his son. When I asked him why he didn't do anything in order to stop it he answered that he was as ashamed. We both agreed that they were drying out in no time.

I and Roy went for some kind of advice because we didn't know if we could handle it on our own. First we went to the Office Of custody Over Juvenile. I asked them what to do. I could tell that they didn't know what to do themselves.

'' Take him to some institution '' Roy said that we wouldn't take him there. He was right. Ed would feel alone and unwanted and that would cost only more depression. They told us to go to The Psychological and Pedagogical Counseling Center. In there they told us that Ed needed some therapy. But there weren't enough places where Ed could go. Even if there were they were already full so we decided to do it in our house.

They gave us some kind of advice and told what to give him.

Nick's father told me that he would do it as well. I was so glad that they would be normal again.

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_--Ed's POV--_

I was glad when I heard that Roy and Riza would help me. I thought that they would send me away, not caring about what would happen to me. But they were different than other people who I meet. They actually cared.

When Riza told me that she talked with Nick's father and he decided that his son would try too. I couldn't believe it! His father?! But he was an old alcoholic nothing more! Nick would give him one bottle of bear and he would simply let him go wherever he wanted to. I decided to go out and talk with Nick about taking it seriously but Riza didn't let me go. She said that I would go and take some drugs. She didn't trust me any more, but who would?

The first day was awful. I took some pills which Riza brought. I felt better after them, but not for a long time. But I tried to focus on thoughts where I wouldn't need some drugs to feel good. That I was normal, like the rest. In some moments my whole body was in pain, but it was only for a while.

In the evening everything started. I took pills one after one and drank everything by wine. But it didn't help. Suddenly I couldn't feel my legs, I couldn't move. So for about ten minutes I stayed completely limp.

Next I felt pressure somewhere near my knees. I laid on the floor and I tried to straighten my legs, but they didn't move. Suddenly all my muscles hurt so much. I started to shake, after some time I was shaking violently from the cold. It was so freezing. I even felt the cold sweat on my forehead.

Then everything stopped. I thought it was finally the end of it all, but when I felt something was happening with my stomach I knew that was only the beginning. I was shivering again.That were cramps of my stomach.

I couldn't take it anymore. I started to scream. I screamed because I couldn't take that pain.

I didn't hear when someone opened the doors but I felt someone presence. It was Roy. He told me to calm down. I grabbed him by his arm and squeezed it tight. It must hurt him because I felt a hot substance on my fingers. It was his blood.

I was breathing hard. He hugged me, trying to calm me down. But it hurt so much!

'' I can't take it. I won't make it. Please I can't '' I started to beg. I wanted so badly to go and take that fucking drug and end all this pain.

'' Shhhh everything's fine. Just calm down.'' he was telling me things like that for all over the time. But I knew that I wouldn't make it. And it was only the first day.

Somehow I calmed down and Roy helped me to go to my bed. I closed my eyes, but I didn't know for how long. When I opened them Roy was gone. I felt so weak.

Next I tried to focus myself on some worthless book but from all those nerves I tore it whole apart.

My mouth and throat were completely dry, but I felt saliva in them at the same time. When I wanted to swallow it I started to cough. I stood up and made my way towards the doors. I wanted to go out of there.

I couldn't take it. I started to coughing more violently. Finally when I reached bathroom I started to vomit.

I spent there some time just sitting on that cold floor. I must fell asleep there because when I opened my eyes I was in my room in my bed.

Riza brought me valium and mandrake. I ate five pills of valium and two mandrakes. I drank it all by whole bottle of wine. Normal person would sleep after that for a couple of days, but my organism was so poisoned that it almost didn't react to this additional poison. I only was a bit calmer and that was all.

After some time I have fallen asleep, but I knew what was happening besides me. My eyes saw everything but my mind drifted to a better place. But I could feel that damn pain. It wasn't as bad as it was at the beginning but It still hurt.

In the evening I ate some pills. I didn't know how much. I didn't count them because there was too much of them. Normal person would be dead by now. And I? I could sleep for a couple of hours.

When I woken up I saw a white bowl with water and some towel next to my bed. I wiped all sweat off.

In the next day I felt a lot of better. I went downstairs to the bathroom. I had to take a shower. Because I smelled awful. When the hot water leak on my body I felt like new.

I could speak now as well. I talked with Alphonse. He often came to check how I was doing. We talked about many things. Some of them really didn't matter. We talked only to say something.

I told him that after this I was going to finish this school and maybe if it was even possible try to end it with good marks.

When Riza entered my room she had a surprise for me. Her doctor gave her a bottle of valeron. I was so happy. After taking it I felt a lot of better.

And so four days passed.

Riza was bringing me everything that I wanted. She was so kind and caring. Roy came to check on me as well. We didn't talk much, but I could tell that he cared. I never seen him like that.

I had a strange appetite for an ice creams. So Riza was buying them for me all the time. I was taking valium and valeron not as often as I was at the beginning. Sometimes I felt pain in my heart but it wasn't as painful as it used to be.

The rest of the week I spent in bed. Riza ,Roy or Al often came and were telling me things. Sometimes Al came and read me a book. He knew what I liked so always when he read I was interested in it.

When finally that ten days became to an end I could walk normally. I felt so...so clean. Riza kissed me on my forehead and hugged, she was so happy. Roy went towards me with an angry face, I didn't know what this was all about. Was he angry at me? But when he looked me in my eyes he only smiled friendly. I didn't even know he could smile...he told me that he was proud of me. I only nodded. But inside I was glad because first time he told me that he was proud! Finally I did something right!

I asked them if I could go out because I spent ten days in my room and I needed some fresh air. I could go and see. Nick as well and see how was he doing. Roy only told me to not came too late and watch out.

When I went to the Nick's house I saw his father who was walking out of the house. When I was about to knock on the doors they opened and Nick was standing in the doorway. I was in shock when he told me that he was clean. But how? His father was drinking ...he done it by himself? I wouldn't make it. He told me that his father locked him inside and was bringing him food and something to drink. He told me that his father had changed and almost didn't drink in those ten days, or at least he thought so.

I would die there, in his place! But I guess he was stronger that me.

We decided to go for a walk. I didn't know where we were going and from what I noticed neither did Nick. But then I found myself in the familiar train station. When we stood there I finally said that it would be good if we would meet our friends and tell them that we were clean.

It wasn't hard to find them. Axel and Steve. We were taking drugs together. But there was a difference between us. I was stealing money from people or beating some kids to give me some. But they, they were working there. They weren't anything more than a cheap whores who done everything what their customers wanted only to get money. This day was their lucky ,they had heroin for at least three days. But in my opinion they were on the bottom.

When we told them good news they were happy for us. They told us that they wanted to start drying off in the next week when they would have valeron. But now they were going to Steve's apartment to inject some heroin.

I looked at Nick and he looked at me. We stayed like this for a long time, but finally without telling another word we went after them.

Next I found myself in a happy mood. I felt so high. Like there weren't any worries or problems! Always on heroin I felt so good.

That was like our race to the bottom...

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**(A/N) Again sorry for all my mistakes. I know there is probably a lot of them! Tell me if you want me to continue this, because I don't know if I should! Thanks for those who are reviewing!**


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